Slipping Into the Test Anxiety Zone

You’re sitting in your classroom before a major test. Your senses are heightened. The lights seem too bright. You hear your classmates chattering nervously about how hard this is going to be. In your head you try to quickly review what you studied, but your mind is too flooded with worries and self-doubts to think clearly. You are now entering the Test Anxiety Zone.

Most students experience a reasonable amount of anxiety before a test, which is necessary for top performance. But, when anxiety begins to damage test scores, it becomes a problem. Test anxiety is relatively common among college students. Some researchers have estimated it occurs in 15 – 20% of college students at any given time. Test anxiety involves changes in physical processes, emotions, thinking, and behavior that can impede test performance.

Test anxiety is most often caused by being under-prepared, but this doesn't necessarily indicate laziness. Under-preparation for a test can also arise from limited study skills, poor study habits, poor time management, or learning problems. Some other factors that can contribute to test anxiety include inexperience with tests and college level material, excessive pressure to do well, competitiveness, over-valuing test results, and low self-confidence.

The first line of defense against test anxiety it studying well. Thorough preparation for tests involves:

· Showing up for every class and participating
· Talking to your instructor about their expectations and testing style
· Keeping up on readings and assignments
· Finding out where you study best and using it
· Planning ahead to study about 2-3 hours per credit hour per week
· Studying a little every day, taking reasonable breaks (don’t cram)
· Studying during your most alert and productive times
· Knowing your learning style and capitalizing on your strengths
· Learning the material using several study methods, not just one

The next line of defense is developing good test taking skills. It is possible to improve your performance on a test just by knowing good test taking strategies. It is also possible to do poorly on a test, even when you know your stuff, by letting the test outsmart you. There are many types of test questions (short answer, essay, multiple choice, true/false) and each requires different strategies for success. Many colleges have a learning center that can offers help with test taking skills. For national and major standardized tests, there are companies who will teach you specific strategies for a fee.

Manage your time and learn to identify your time wasters. Set priorities and focus on what’s most important first. Use a calendar or planner and review your schedule at the start of each week to make sure you have allocated enough time for everything. Recognize your limits and delegate tasks when you can. There are only 24 hours in a day; learn to say “no” when you need to.

Get organized. Establish a productive work environment that is clean and spacious with limited distractions. Break large tasks into smaller steps to prevent them from becoming overwhelming. Take a few minutes at the end of each day to clear your work area and plan for the next day,

Remember to take care of yourself. Don’t stay up all night abusing substances before a test. Resist the urge to misuse stimulants like caffeine, nicotine, or speed to stay awake and focus. Get plenty of rest, eat right, and exercise. Reward yourself for your accomplishments.

Sometimes test anxiety is a symptom of a deeper problem such as an anxiety disorder or other emotional issue. If you suspect this is the case, a mental health professional may be able to help. You can find mental health professionals in your area through online therapist locators such as those hosted by the American Psychological Association, Psychology Today, Network Therapy and GoodTherapy. You can also call the behavioral health number on the back of your insurance card or visit your insurance company website to get some referral options.

Please also visit my website http://www.kctherapist.com/ for more information and resources regarding a variety of mental health concerns.

Getting Motivated

Motivation is our drive to meet basic and higher needs and pursue desires. It energizes us and directs our behavior. We need to be able to meet our more basic needs before we can expect to meet higher needs.

Basic and higher needs:

• Belonging - love, acceptance
• Survival – hunger, thirst, safety, shelter
• Esteem – achievement, competence, approval, recognition
• Self Actualization – personal growth, improvement

Motivation is a powerful force for change and growth. It can focus behavior on goals, increase effort, energy and persistence, improve thinking and performance, and enhance self-confidence and self-esteem.

Where Does Motivation Come From?

The source of motivation can be internal or external, positive or negative. Positive motivation involves obtaining desired or pleasant consequences (rewards) while negative motivation involves escaping or avoiding undesired, unpleasant consequences. Internal motivators are often more powerful and enduring than external ones.

Examples of internal motivators include:

• Desire
• Pleasure
• Pride
• Growth
• Meaningfulness
• Power
• Guilt
• Pain

Examples of external motivators include:

• Money
• Promotion
• Good grades
• Praise
• Disapproval from others
• Punishment

Business consultants and life coaches will say there is no simple formula for motivation, but expectancy theory makes an attempt at one (based on Vroom, V. H. (1964). Work and motivation. New York: Wiley):

Motivation = Perceived likelihood of success x Belief that success will lead to reward x Value of reward

This formula indicates that the more you believe you can succeed, that your success will be rewarded, and that the rewards will be great, the higher your motivation will be. We are most motivated when we feel capable, responsible, self-directed, respected, and hopeful.

Blocks to Motivation

When motivation is external, it tends to wane when the source is absent. Most children rebel against their parents' attempts to motivate them to keep their rooms clean. When we grow up and are living on our own, most of us are able to keep our living spaces relatively neat. This is because internal motivation eventually takes the place of our parents. We find our own important reasons for keeping our rooms clean.

Even internal motivation has its challenges. Many of us start out with high motivation, but we find it fading as time passes. This can be due to poor planning and limited short term rewards (see entry on goal setting). It can also be due to poor self-confidence or lack of resources to succeed. Or we may discover that the rewards we anticipated aren't as powerful as the challenges we meet and sacrifices we make along the way.

Some common blocks to motivation include:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of success (success leads to greater expectations from others as well as increased independence and responsibilities which can be overwhelming)
• External locus of control – relying on luck, not taking responsibility, feeling that others will stand in your way

Increasing Motivation

Since internal motivation is more enduring and we work hard for rewards, it makes sense that finding internal and positive reasons for doing what you are doing is essential to staying motivated. Ask yourself why you are doing something – then ask five more times to see if you can find an internal and positive motivation. For example, lets say you want to become more organized.

1. Why do I want to be more organized? So that my house will be neater and cleaner.
2. Why do I want my house to be cleaner? So that I can find things more easily.
3. Why do I want to find things more easily? So that I can be more efficient.
4. Why do I want to be more efficient? So that I can save time.
5. Why do I want to save time? So that I can spend more time relaxing and enjoying my family.

From the motivation formula mentioned above, you can see that self-confidence is also an important factor in motivation. Believing in yourself increases your perception of likelihood for success and increases your confidence that you can manage that success once you get there. Know your strengths and weaknesses and capitalize on natural talents and interests to increase your chances for success. Choose a source of inspiration and surround yourself with successful people to remind you it can be done and what you stand to gain by succeeding.

Build in smaller, short-term rewards along the way. The further away you are from your ultimate goal, the more likely you are to lose steam as time passes. Breaking tasks into manageable pieces, each with their own rewards, will help you stay on task and remind you of what you are working so hard for. Incremental rewards will also help prevent you from being overly discouraged by setbacks.

If you are having trouble getting motivated, a mental health professional like a psychologist can assist you in taking a look at your concerns and generating options. Please feel free to visit my website http://www.kctherapist.com/ for more information and resources regarding a variety of mental health concerns.

Emotional Regulation

Self-regulation, or the ability to identify and respond appropriately to internal needs, has been getting some airplay lately. It seems Americans have been getting worse at it over the years. Researchers speculate we are over-regulating our children's lives and not letting them engage in the free, imaginative play that is essential to developing this essential life skill.

When a person with self-regulation problems encounters a stressor, they do not have the skills necessary to effectively respond to it. Self-regulation deficiencies can manifest in impulsive behavior, hyperactivity, low frustration tolerance, trouble initiating or stopping behavior, difficulty transitioning, sleep and eating problems, or aggression. Individuals may rely on unhealthy coping methods like abusing substances, avoidance, and self-harming behavior in an effort to regulate themselves. It is easy to see why self-regulation problems can have devastating effects on social, academic and work functioning.

In some individuals, problems with self-regulation result from deficient learning. In others it is due to problems with brain functioning related to heredity, congenital problems, or brain injury. Learning to regulate our emotions and behavior takes practice and some of us are better at it than others. If you suspect you have problems with self-regulation that are causing severe distress or impairing your functioning, it may be time to talk with a mental health professional about how you can make a change.

Emotional Regulation

One of the body's responses we must learn to regulate is emotions. We experience emotions as personal, subjective, unpredictable, and sometimes even illogical and confusing. Biologically speaking though, a feeling is nothing more than a response to stimuli involving physiological processes such as changes in pulse rate, respiration, and body temperature.

Though our emotions are biologically based, they are not necessarily reality based. Just because we feel a certain way, doesn't make it true. Despite all of this, our emotions feel very real to us and they color our perception of the world. Our emotions dictate our moods and shape our behavior.

If emotions were facts, everyone would feel the same in a given situation. But we know this is not true because emotional responses vary from individual to individual and from culture to culture. Emotions are impacted by our thoughts and beliefs about the world which arise from our heredity, experiences, learning, and environment.

There is wide array of emotions human beings can experience, but Robert Plutchik (1980) developed a theory showing eight primary human emotions that all other human emotions come from:

• Joy
• Acceptance
• Fear
• Submission
• Sadness
• Disgust
• Anger
• Anticipation

Thoughts Lead to Feelings

How can it be that two people in the same situation can experience entirely different emotions? Consider this example of how our thoughts, and not necessarily facts, determine our feelings.

Situation: You see someone sitting at a table crying.
Thought: You think they must be sad.
Feeling: You feel concern and sympathy.

Then suppose you look down at the table and see the person is cutting an onion. Would your thoughts and feelings change? As you can see, it was the thought that dictated the initial feeling and not necessarily the reality of the situation.

This example shows that it is possible to regulate your emotions by changing the way you look at a situation. Just like a diamond, every situation has multiple facets. Our feelings about a situation can change depending upon the angle we choose to view it from.

Behavior Leads to Feelings

The way you behave can influence the way you feel. An example of this is exercise. When we engage in exercise, we often feel better afterwards, even when our situation hasn't changed. Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation can also change our emotions. This is partially due to the physiological changes that occur when we engage in these behaviors and it is also related to the meaning we make of them. Doing something you perceive as good or healthy can make you feel better about yourself.

Another example is the way facial expressions are related to emotions. All over the world, human beings use the same facial muscles when expressing certain emotions. Studies have shown that muscular feedback from a facial expression results in the experience of the emotion it expresses. Give it a try it.

Yet another example is related to studies investigating "liking". Researchers found they could increase liking by having individuals participate in activities together that required cooperation toward a goal. Liking can also be decreased by involving people in competition with each other.

These examples show that you can regulate your emotions by engaging in behavior that decreases unpleasant feelings and increases pleasant feelings.

Feelings, Right or Wrong

Because our feelings are influenced by our beliefs and thoughts, we can sometimes be mistaken. However, this doesn't mean our feelings are right or wrong. I like to think of emotions as either adaptive (helpful) or maladaptive (problematic).

Emotions are adaptive when they:

• motivate us and help us respond appropriately
• help us make good decisions
• help us remember important things
• warn us of real trouble and identify opportunities

Emotions are maladaptive when:

• They are too intense (out of proportion)
• They last too long
• We are unable to manage or cope with them
• We respond impulsively or destructively based on them

When you take the time to identify and explore your emotions instead of reacting impulsively, you may be able to come up with alternative explanations that make you feel better or healthier ways to cope with the situation.

Emotions Can Be Powerful

Sometimes our emotions are so overwhelming or seem “unacceptable” to us, so we need to protect ourselves from them. This can be a positive thing in moderation. If we felt everything at full intensity all the time, we would be frayed and exhausted. Everyone uses emotional defenses as a way of coping and they are not unhealthy unless they are overused. The following are some common emotional defenses:

• Denial – refusing to acknowledge your feelings
• Identification – assuming the feelings of someone else you admire
• Compensation – making up for unacceptable emotions
• Rationalization – finding excuses for your feelings
• Projection – attributing your own feelings to another person
• Daydreaming – fantasizing to escape unpleasant emotions
• Displacement – taking out emotions on something other than the source
• Reaction Formation – behaving in a manner opposite of the way you are feeling
• Regression – reverting to immature behavior to express emotion
• Sublimation – directing feelings in a useful rather than unacceptable manner

If you feel you may be overusing an emotional defense, it may be helpful to take an honest look at your emotions and practice responding to them in a different way. The key to managing emotions is learning to recognize them, taking the time to explore alternative perspectives and explanations, and coming up with adaptive responses that you can put into action.

If you or someone you love is having trouble managing emotions, talk to a mental health professional. A good therapist can give you some tips and techniques for coping with overwhelming feelings. You can find mental health professionals in your area through online therapist locators such as those hosted by the American Psychological Association, Psychology Today, Network Therapy and GoodTherapy. You can also call the behavioral health number on the back of your insurance card or visit your insurance company website to get some referral options.

For more information on depression and other mental health issues, please visit my website, http://www.kctherapist.com/.

A Road Map for Life

Goal setting is like making a road map for reaching your potential – you may know where you want to go, but do you know how to get there? When you're going somewhere new, it's easy to get lost along the way.

Many of us find ourselves being pulled along wherever life takes us. There is nothing wrong with that if you like where life is taking you. But if life is pulling you in so many different directions that you wind up feeling stuck, fragmented or searching for meaning, it may be time to take inventory of what is important to you and be more intentional about pursuing your goals.

The process of systematically setting goals helps us visualize where we want to go and identify landmarks along the way. It also helps us build motivation, increase endurance and decide where to invest time and energy. Most of all, the process of goal setting helps us stay on track and increases the odds for success. Research has shown that effective goal setters are less stressed and anxious, function and concentrate better, and are happier, more self-confident, and safisfied.

Make it Meaningful

There are many different types of goals, but whatever we choose for ourselves should be personally important and meaningful. People who pursue goals solely to please others or just because they think they "should", typically begin to lose motivation when things get difficult.

In my practice, I regularly meet students who went to college because they felt this was what they were "supposed to" do or their parents insisted upon it. If these students never find their own reasons for pursuing higher education, they end up dropping out, under-performing, or switching from major to major extending their time in school and racking up debt. Its okay to consider a goal based on the suggestion of others, but somewhere along the way you must identify your own reasons for persisting.

Set Yourself Up for Success

Our goals should involve things that are under our control. Have you ever met someone who had a goal to get married by a certain age? That goal is difficult to accomplish because it takes two people working together. The kinds of goals that tend to be under our individual control involve attainment of knowledge, increasing skills, and changing behavior.

When you've decided on a goal, make sure its specific and measurable. Abstract and general goals are harder to follow. For example, I often use Google Maps to find my way to a new destination. I like to zoom in close so I can see the roads and intersections. Sometimes I even use the satellite view so I can see the actual building and what side of the street its on. The more detail I get, the more likely I am going to get there on time and with my good humor intact. Setting effective goals requires a high level of detail as well. Use dates, times and amounts wherever possible to make it easier to see your progress and get back on track when setbacks occur. Be sure to write it all down so you can return to it and make adjustments when neccesary. Writing down your goals also creates a sense of committment which increases your chances for success.

When setting a goal, planning ahead is essential. Ask yourself what you already have and what you will need to achieve your goal. Arrange for these things to be readily available to you. Make a list of your current knowledge and skills and identify resources for acquiring what is missing. This helps you determine whether your goals are reasonable and achievable.

Reward Yourself

Focus on the positive. Your goals should result in something good or desirable rather than merely allowing you to avoid something unpleasant. Most human beings prefer to work for rewards rather than to avoid pain. Setting subgoals or objectives will give you more opportunities to feel rewarded and build toward your ultimate goal. Be careful about relying too much on finite rewards like money or recognition though, because they tend to lose their value as you achieve them.

Overcoming Obstacles

Setting yourself up for success means anticipating difficulties and preparing for them as much as possible. Ask yourself, "What is likely to stand in my way?" Some obstacles cannot be predicted, so flexibility and creativity are needed to persevere. While many obstacles are external to us, some come from inside us such as fear of failure or even fear of success!

If you are having trouble getting started on your goals or you've gotten stuck along the way, getting input from an objective, trusted other can be a big help. Spouses, partners and friends may be convenient, but they have their own agendas for you and may not be as objective as you'd like. A spiritual advisor, instructor, mentor, coach, or even a mental health professional like a psychologist can assist you in looking at your goals with "fresh eyes" and expanding your options. Mindtools has a nice webpage addressing Personal Goal Setting that is a good place to get started.

Please feel free to visit my website http://www.kctherapist.com/ for more information and resources regarding a variety of mental health concerns.

Is Time on Your Side?

What troubles do you run into managing your time? Most of us don't ever seem to have enough of it. For others, having too much time on their hands is a dangerous thing.

Everyone's perceptions and beliefs about time are different. Some people strongly value time, work hard to be timely, and expect others to do the same. Others see time as flexible and renewable. They aren't particular about how they use it and it doesn't bother them when things don't run on schedule. In addition to this, some individuals have a better feel for the passage or time than others. They just always seem to know approximately what time of day it is and they are naturally better at predicting how much time something will take.

For those of us that struggle more with managing time, the following are some guideliness for getting the most out of your day.

Think Realistically

Most of us are relatively unaware of how we really use our time. It is typical of human beings to underestimate the amount of time spent unproductively and how much time it takes to complete a task. Another common trap is taking on more than we can manage and having a hard time delegating or setting aside relaxation time for ourselves.

Try this exercise - make a chart with 7 columns and 24 rows. Write each day of the week, Monday through Sunday, in the column headings. Then put each hour of the day, all 24 of them, in each row header. For the next week, write down what you are doing every hour of every day. This includes, sleeping, eating, driving, watching tv, or even just staring off into space. You may be surprised by what you discover. Do you actually have enough hours in the day to get things done? Do you see a good balance between obligations and self care? Are there changes you can make to better use your time?

Get Organized

Much time is wasted due to disorganization. How often have you found yourself running around trying to find needed items or taking care of last minute tasks? Plan ahead and do what you can in advance. Develop a routine so that the things you have to get done each day become automatic. Expect obstacles and be ready for them. Keep your frequently needed items in the same accessible place so that they will be easy to find each day. Keep spares on hand.

Make sure you have a time keeper on your person such as a watch or cell phone and know where the clock is in the room. If your time keeper has alarm functions, use them to alert you to upcoming events. Keep a schedule and update it frequently. You might have to experiment to find the type of scheduler that works best for you and some people benefit from having several scheduling methods at their disposal.

Avoid Procrastination

Procrastination can be both a symptom and a cause of poor time managment. Most of the time, merely improving your time management skills reduces procrastination. Other times the procrastination needs to be addressed directly.

Procrastination is a learned behavior involving self-regulation skills, emotions, attitudes, as well as factors we may be unaware of. The causes of procrastination can vary among individuals and tasks. People procrastinate for various reasons and overcoming it requires getting at the heart of these reasons. The following are some additional causes of procrastination:

• Doing things solely for other people or because we think we "should" rather than having our own reasons. We work harder for something that has meaning to us so it important to take ownership of the things we do.
• Taking on something too big, too time consuming or too difficult. In this case, procrastination is a way of coping. Modifying the task or breaking it into smaller steps can help.
• Relying on fear to motivate. A rush of nervous energy can help us get things done, but the cost to health, performance, and relationships may outweigh the benefits. Honestly appraising the pros and cons of doing things in advance versus waiting until the last moment may help you break out of this cycle.
• Difficulty making a decision. Not making a decision can be a way of avoiding responsibility for the outcome. It is often the anticipation that is the hardest part and once the decision is made, there is a sense of relief. Developing strong decision making skills and consulting trusted others may help.
• Feelings of low self-confidence and low self-esteem may result in a fear of failure (or success). Procrastination may help us avoid judgment by making others think we lack effort rather than ability. It may also keep others from expecting more of us than we think we can give.
• There can be power in procrastination. It might enable you to be a "conscientious objector" or to indirectly show someone that you aren't happy about having to do something. You can also control others if they can't move ahead until you finish your task.

While everyone procrastinates, chronic procrastination can cause a number of serious problems. It can result in reduced productivity, failure to reach one’s potential, and feelings of shame, worthlessness, and despair.

There can be health consequences to procrastination. Procrastination predicts higher levels of consumption of alcohol among those people who drink and college students who procrastinate show evidence of compromised immune systems such as more colds, flu, gastrointestinal problems, and insomnia.

In addition, procrastination can damage relationships. When we procrastinate, we often shift responsibilities onto others, who in turn become resentful of us. Procrastination can undermine teamwork and keep others from accomplishing their own goals.

Get Motivated

Ask yourself why you are doing the things you do each day and remind yourself what you stand to gain. When we lose sight of our goals, we can't "see the forest for the trees". Stepping back and taking a look at the bigger picture every once in a while can provide a boost to motivation.

It seems to be human nature to take our successes for granted and dwell on our disappointments. When overdone, this can lead to discouragment or apathy. Acknowledge your accomplishments and reward yourself for completing tasks. This doesn't mean you have to brag or buy yourself presents. Sometimes patting yourself on the back and giving yourself a break is enough to feel good about your efforts.

Remember to take care of yourself and schedule in breaks and down time. Its hard to stay motivated when you are sick, exhausted or burned out. Set yourself up for success. Make sure you have the resources and tools you need to manage your time well. If you allow too many obstacles to lie in your path, you may become discouraged and get off track.

Prioritize

A common time management problem is discovering you are spending most of your time doing the things that are least important to you. Do you have your priorities straight? Take a sheet of paper and fold in half, then in half again. When you unfold it, your paper will be divided into four sections. In each section, write the following headings:

• Important/Urgent
• Urgent not Important
• Important not Urgent
• Not Important/Urgent

In the Important/Urgent section, write down things you need to do that have significant consequences for you and must be done ASAP. In the Important not Urgent section, write down tasks that mean a lot to you, but can wait or have no real deadline. In the Urgent not Important section, write down tasks that must be done quickly, but don't have significant consequences. Finally, in the Not Important/Urgent section, write down things that don't mean much to you and have no time urgency. Notice the types of things you place in each category. Is there a category that has many more or fewer items than the others? What might this mean about the way you manage your time? Do any changes need to be made in the way you think about your obligations?

The Evils of Micromanaging

It is possible to be overly conscientious about time. There are many things in life that are outside our control and trying to control the uncontrollable can be overwhelming. Some people become obsessive, making endless lists, worrying, and planning the next day when they should be sleeping. This ultimatley backfires and their health and performance are compromised. As we all know, our time is finite and we can only stretch it so far.

It is also important to remember that not everyone thinks about time the same way. Some things may be more important than timeliness, and you may have to compromise to maintain your health and relationships with others.

If you or someone you love is having trouble managing their time, consulting a professional may help. You can find mental health professionals in your area through online therapist locators such as those hosted by the American Psychological Association, Psychology Today, Network Therapy and GoodTherapy. If you have health insurance, you can find out who is in your network by visiting their website or calling the behavioral health number on the back of your card.

Please also visit my website http://www.kctherapist.com/ for more information and resources regarding a variety of mental health concerns.

Managing Stress

Stress is nothing more than your response to a perceived threat. I emphasize the word "perceived" because stress is caused by our interpretation of events rather than the event itself. We know this because what is stressful to one person may not be stressful at all to another person. Stress can arise from something good (eustress) or something bad (distress) and sometimes the cause of our stress is unknown.

Holmes and Rahe developed a rating system for common stressors. Reviewing this list, you can see that even welcomed life events like a wedding or birth of a child can cause a significant amount of stress.

How do you know when you are under stress?

Everyone responds to stress differently, but there are some common symptoms human beings share. The signs of stress can be divided into four categories:

• Physiological symptoms such as increased heart rate and respiration, perspiration, digestive sensations, and muscle tension
• Cognitive signs (or changes in the way we think) such as catastrophizing, worrying, racing thoughts, preoccupations, difficulty concentrating and forgetfulness
• Affective (emotional) changes such as nervousness, hoplessness, moodiness, irritability and even anger
• Behavioral responses such as avoidance, neglect of self-care, increasing bad habits, and social withdrawal

Is stress bad?

Stress is not always bad. The stress response is adaptive or helpful in immediate, short-term, situations because its our body’s preparation for fight or flight. We perform better in these situations when under a little stress. Bodily functions essential to responding to danger, such as circulation of blood and oxygen to large muscles, hightened senses, and release of sugar for energy, are increased. Functions such as digestion and sexual response are diminished because they are not needed when responding to danger.

But what if there is no real danger or the threat is long-term or something we can't fight or flee from? Today's daily stressors don't typically involve life threatening situations requiring a full blown stress response, yet our bodies still respond in the same old way. The human stress response is adapted for the short-term so chronic or prolonged stress can be dangerous to our health. Chronic stress can lead to a weakened immune system, headaches, insomnia, digestive trouble and acne, memory and concentration problems, mood disturbances, high blood pressure and increased risk for heart attack and stroke.

Stress Relief

There is no one solution to handling stress. Everyone is different, so we each need to choose stress relievers that work best for us and practice them. Here are some suggestions:

Identify your triggers

Keep a log of stressful situations to help you identify patterns in your perception of stressful events, the circumstances surrounding them, your reactions to them, and the consequences of your reactions. It might look something like this:

Date Situation Thoughts Physical Feelings Actions Consequences
1.
2.
3.

Learn to modify your thoughts and behavior

• Think positively and focus on your good qualities and accomplishments
• Be assertive and learn to express your feelings and set boundaries
• Recognize and accept your limitations - ask for help
• Set priorities and develop realistic goals
• Manage your time wisely, plan ahead, and avoid procrastination
• Resist comparing yourself to others and avoid unnecessary competition
• Take care of yourself - diet, exercise, sleep and relaxation are important

Practice relaxation

Find ways to relax that work for you and make time for them. Some helpful relaxation techniques include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, imagery, autogenics, biofeedback, meditation, massage, aromatherapy, yoga or other forms of exercise, and socializing. Some of these techniques you can learn on your own and you probably already do naturally. Some are best learned with the asstance of a therapist or self-help workbook. A few of my favorite self-help guides are listed in the Required Reading column on the right hand side of this blog.

When is it time to ask for help?

The following are some indicators it may be time for you to seek help to manage your stress:

• you feel trapped, very distressed, or hopeless and don't know where to turn
• you worry excessively and can't concentrate on things you need to do
• stress is negatively impacting your health, your job, your relationships, or your general life functioning

If you are experiencing any of these things as a result of stress, it may be time to consult a professional. You can find mental health professionals in your area through online therapist locators such as those hosted by the American Psychological Association, Psychology Today, Network Therapy and GoodTherapy. If you have health insurance, you can find out who is in your network by visiting their website or calling the behavioral health number on the back of your card.

Please also visit my website http://www.kctherapist.com/ for more information and resources regarding a variety of mental health concerns.

Making a Change

This post is intended for people who are experiencing longstanding discomfort (unhappiness, anxiety, loneliness, anger) and know they'd like to feel better, but they’re not sure what to do about it. Breaking out of these uncomfortable feeling patterns often requires a change and successful change involves a process. What follows are simplified suggestions for getting yourself into the change process.

Motivation

When contemplating a change, the first thing to ask yourself is whether you are motivated. We often skip this step and dive right into looking for solutions, which can lead to setbacks and discouragement. To assess motivation for change, there are some questions you can consider:

• Do I really want to make a change? What are the pros, cons, risks and benefits to change vs. keeping things the same?
• Am I willing to do what it takes to make the change? Is it worth the effort?
• Am I able to make the change at this time? Do I have the tools and resources I need?

If you determine you are indeed motivated to make a change at this time, you have four options to choose from. Ask yourself if you are willing and able to:

1. Change the situation
2. Change how you feel about the situation
3. Accept the situation
4. Keep everything the same

Changing the Situation

When you're ready to take action toward change, I find the best place to start is asking yourself if there is any way to change the situation. If you decide you are willing and able to change the situation you have several options:

• Remove yourself from the situation
• Assert yourself: Express your feelings and ask for or make a change
• Negotiate a compromise

Weigh the pros and cons of each option. Many times, we have little control over a situation and are powerless to change it. If you decide that you cannot or will not change the situation, you can move to option #2, “Change how you feel about the situation”.

Changing How You Feel About the Situation

In order to change the way you feel about a situation, you have to understand that how you look at a situation influences how you feel and how you behave. Our perceptions determine our reality (and everyone’s reality is different). For example, if I perceive flying in an airplane to be dangerous, I will feel anxious about it and avoid it. If I perceive flying to be fun and exciting, I will be more willing to engage in it and might actually enjoy it.

The attributions we assign to things around us can be positive or negative and will impact how we feel about a situation. Negative attributions are generally:

• Global vs. Specific (“That’s just the way it is” vs. “That’s how it is in this particular situation”)
• Stable vs. Changing (“That’s the way it will always be” vs. “That’s how it is now”)
• Internal or External (“It’s probably all my fault” or "I am at the mercy of circumstance" vs. “I’ll take some responsibility and I recognize there are also factors outside my control involved here”)

Sometimes our uncomfortable feelings are due to problematic thinking. This type of thinking involves automatic, distorted, and unhelpful messages we send ourselves that make us feel worse. To see some examples of problems in thinking that can lead to uncomfortable feelings, please visit PsychCentral's article by Sherrie Mcgregor, Ph.D. (2007).

Other times our uncomfortable feelings stem from deeper problematic beliefs we have about ourselves and the world. These beliefs are not necessarily true even though they may feel very real to us. Fortunately our problematic thoughts and beliefs can be challenged and replaced with more realistic and health promoting ones. This takes some hard work and practice; however, and may be best accomplished under the guidance of a mental health professional or at least a good self-help workbook.

If after learning what it takes to change how you feel about a situation, you decide you are unable or unwilling to do so, you can move to option #3, “Accepting and tolerating the situation”.

Accepting the Situation

Acceptance is allowing yourself to fully experience a situation in the present moment without distortion, judgment or intention to change. Finding acceptance is not easy. It involves an understanding that you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings and actions and for the choices you make in your life and that these are the only things you really have control over.

Acceptance does not mean resigning yourself or giving up - rather, it means making peace with a situation that you cannot change or is better left unchanged. Acceptance can be the only healthy option available to people who find themselves in difficult situations they are powerless to change. It is an interesting fact that acceptance sometimes leads to unexpected change that is profound and lasting.

Keeping Everything the Same

After considering all your options, you may decide it makes more sense to keep everything the same and remain uncomfortable. Hardly anyone thinks this is a good choice from the outset, but it is important to acknowledge that change is a choice and everyone has a right to "stay miserable", as Marsha Linehan, Ph.D., ABPP would put it. Knowing you always have this option can sometimes give you the courage and freedom to move forward with another, more satisfying option.

If you would like help making a change in your life, a good place to start is by checking out or purchasing a reputable self-help book. I have some of my favorites listed in my "Required Reading List" in the right-hand panel of this blog. You can also find mental health professionals in your area through online therapist locators such as those hosted by the American Psychological Association, Psychology Today, Network Therapy and GoodTherapy.

Please also visit my website http://www.kctherapist.com/ for more information and resources regarding a variety of mental health concerns.